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Direct from you, in your words....
Thanks, guys!!

Johnny isn't afraid to show he has a black friend because whenever he sees me in the hall he asks me Waaaazzzuup.  
Johnny always compliments me by saying things like, "Damn bitch you stupid fly," or by telling me you a big fine woman back that thing up. Just things that make a black girl feel good.  
I love how Johnny and Sally refer to me as "The Black Ryan" so no one gets confused when they are talking about me, this makes me feel special.
Sally is always complimenting me on my skin tone. When she comes back from her tropical vacations she says to me, "Look! Look! I'm as dark as you are!" Then she holds out her arm against mine to compare. I just love how she wants to be like me!  
I love it when Johnny & Sally ask me to sing at parties. All of us can sing, you know.

-After saying a multisyllabic word such as "understand," Johnny will often follow it with a translation for my benefit like "Dig?" I am glad that he makes his big words accessible to me.

-Johnny always alters his given name and refers to himself in the third person -- for example, "J-Dog don't play that" or "J-Dog wants to know wusssaappp." It comforts me to know that my parlance has such broad appeal.

-Sally has a habit of showing me her running tally of the number of black people she greets everyday. I feel unique and special to be part of her statistical list.

Sally and Johnny are always giving me my props on how good it is that I graduated from college and that I do not have any illegitimate children. The fact that I have never been to jail makes me a "credit to my race" in their eyes. They know my race needs all the credit it can get. Thanks for looking out you guys!
I love being around Johnny and Sally because they kiss their dogs on the mouth, and that is really funny!  
Sally is so great....everytime I ride in the car with her she makes sure the radio is tuned to "my" station.  
Me and Sally use to be close partners back in the day. I used to fuck her real good till Johnny came in the picture riding on his new 20" rims with the system pumping. Johnny is a cool guy. He is always hooking me up with skinny white girls with no azz....I really miss hitting Sally from the back.....
I work with Johnny, and sometimes he stops in the middle of our corporate hallways, but instead of shaking my hands he gives me a fist pound and says "what up." He's so in touch with the street, its astonishing.  
I like Johnny and Sally because they NEVER flaunt their wealth in front of me. In fact, they go to great lengths to keep their valuables as well as their wallets and purses as far away from me as possible. How cool is THAT???
Sally is always there for me. She was even brave enough to tell me how she feels sorry for me because my hair can never really look "professional."  

Dear homepeeps Sally and Johnny,

I love Sally and Johnny because:

- They think my name, Baratunde, is so interesting and unique.

- Sally and Johnny recognize that as a black man, I'm an expert on self-defense and the ways of organized crime. Whenever they are about to go to a "bad" neighborhood, they ask me for my advice. That's phat.

- I met Sally and Johnny in high school history class. Whenever something about black people came up -- like slavery or Jim Crow or riots -- they would look at me, cause as the only black person in the class they were
confident I could explain the history of black America when I was only 15. No one else believed in me like you guys. Thanks!

- I love Johnny cause whenever he's looking for some weed, he knows that I'm the go-to guy. Even though I live in the burbs and spend all my time at the office, Johnny knows I keep my finger on the pulse of the drug-trafficking

Sally and I go out to the clubs a lot and she always says she wishes she had my natural rhythm.
Sally and Johnny always ask me how the entire black community feels about certain topics. I really respect this about them because I am black and therfore obviously know how all blacks feel about everything!
Sally and Johnny listen to more gangster rap then I do!  
Sally is so thoughtful. She always tries to set me up with every black man she knows. Since we're both black that means my date and I will have so much in common.

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